Setting Aside.

I cannot count how many times I tried to construct this post. I made, I lost and some only lingered and vanished in my thoughts. I don’t want to admit to myself that I was hurt in some way. I am strong and I must. Those feelings have no place in my life. When it’s not important with some people, why should I too?

I want to bring the agony to an end. That thing slowly pierces me into what? Then I’ll simply just close my eyes and make a deaf ear. I feel so drained. I’m so tired. Can’t you feel it?

Before I sleep and still when I woke up, I can’t escape the mockery. Maybe I just don’t deserve things. It will never happen. The hard part is shutting up the taunts I alone can hear. A whisper in the ear of a living nightmare.

I need to unwind for a while. And I’m so numb…. yet brittle.

...

I wish monthsary doesn’t exist or that there are other ways of saying it instead of “happy monthsary.” The one who invented monthsary is the most selfish person in the world.

Ako ay Nagbalik

"Ito yung pag ibig na hinihintay at biglang dumating. Dito mo naramdaman at natutunan kung paano magmahal. Ramdam mung tunay. Ramdam mong totoo. Hindi lang nag eexist sa imahinasyon, kundi nangyari sa totoong buhay. Ito yung pinakamasarap na feeling, ito rin yung pinakamasakit at pinakamahirap kalimutan. Nandiyan na napaluha ka. Ok lang yan, nagmahal ka naman ng tunay.

Wala na..."

These were in my thoughts when I was listening to the song earlier. There are certain songs that remind us of something, a stir in emotion. Then nagsawa din ako after…  And the remnants are gone.

...with MS Access

It sucks I know, since I lost my FD it's like I lost a bit of myself too. Anyways, I might cheat with my blog by posting backward again. So far, I’m having a head ache with access. What the heck is happening with this? It keeps on popping.

I watched it a number of times, thought of possibilities, looked at the spelling very well. Can it be that they left some instruction unsaid so not to make things easy (like some other people’s work). And then I heard it…

It was an instant hilariousness, as if I was mad and insane and I can’t get around without a laugh on myself. That’s what problem solving is…

But admit it, not being able to find answer is excruciating. It’s hard to accept whenever a why is unanswered. Maybe I’ll try to do more of simple problem solving. Not some big one, I might get very pissed off.

Anyway, this is the tutorial I was watching and my error was it didn't occur to me to type "forms" instead of "form".

I lost my FD

After a long week with work, I always look forward for the rest day. However, when weekend is over, I feel like it's better not to have a weekend at all if it wouldn't be productive.

“There’s no potion for grief.” This weekend I am somewhere far, and I even felt I really was and thought I wouldn’t be able to wake up the next morning, until I called him.

The lost of my flash drive was a huge discouragement. A really huge discouragement that gave me an empty feeling. I’m lost with words. I owe my self a rest yet my slumber was still filled with different arrays of nightmares.

I cleaned the room. I need to keep moving…





“Peace be with you”. The mass I dedicated for him and for my dying kin. It was as if there’s a message for me too, about how to have peace. Five things to have peace; forgive, interact, openness, having a mission and living with the Holy Spirit.