What's up? Blog update

I still peek in my blog even if I'm currently not posting but I stopped reading other people's blogs. So it means I'm also currently not updated in blogosphere. I still observe and reply to some comments. I'm just lurking behind. Blogging is one of the things that I still see myself doing continuously in the future. I've been writing personal journal since my teenage years so I know that this therapeutic habit is something I will not give up easily. I feel more happy and comfortable in writing personal stuff but I'm afraid to pass negativity. You know, blue days. The more I ignore and don't acknowledge it, the longer it stays. I chose silence than make you feel sad knowing that sadness can be contagious.

I remember I felt depressed when I saw a break up post of a blogger I follow before. I was sad previously and became sadder after reading that. But even if she was not yet telling her problem, I noticed how she became less lively and felt the changed of her aura compared years ago. She became fat too and she procrastinates in giving the prices of her monthly best commenter. I don't want you to feel what I felt before that's why I've been torn between writing or waiting and keeping it to myself.

But I want you to understand that I'm not writing to entertain you guys. Like what I've said, I'm writing for myself and writing for some people who needs information of a certain product, not necessarily a beauty product. I'm afraid that I might not meet your expectations but I'm still thankful to those who still comes back.

Anyways, I want to share what's currently happening to my blog: SOMEONE IS ATTACKING MY BLOG!

Current Experience in this Blogging Journey

It was easier if we write the first thing that comes in our mind. That’s how I write in my early blogging days. However, the absence of any form of reward makes writing less motivating especially in the later part of blogging career. It’s really a huge mistake if you don’t have the heart in writing and expect this experience to generate money. The worst mistake is not studying and analyzing your blog. Realizing our long term goal in blogging is very important. Why do we really blog? What outcome do we expect? What will motivate us to continue?

Blogging Became Time Consuming

Trying to make it perfect takes a great deal of time. It’s not easy to be the boss and workforce at the same time. In this venture, you’re the brain who thinks of ways and techniques to improve your blog but you will do the laborious task of executing it too. To make your blog healthy, you have to write daily. But writing alone will not guarantee your success. There are some blogs that are regularly updated but the quality of their content is sacrificed. They don’t really have genuine readers. You won’t feel like reading every article they’re posting because the personal feel of their blog is gone. They’re in a rat race. They may fool brands, but not the real audience – the readers.

The Need to Update Strategy

Aside from posting daily, there are really other ways to improve your daily page views. You have to seek that information. You need to observe and contemplate on your previous action and have a careful thought of your future plans.

The Three Pressure you will Experience in Freelance Blogging:

1. The need to write articles.
2. Keeping the frequency of posts.
3. The quality of your posts.

It takes me 3 hours in post-processing pictures and 3 hours in research and writing. I proofread a lot but it still doesn’t assure that my articles are error free. I may have consumed lesser hours, but I already feel exhausted to continue or to write another article. It sucks the joy out of me. There are instances where the pictures still need adjustments to aesthetically fit in the page. It must have a unique background to kill monotony and a proper lighting which requires waiting for the right time of the day.

When I was gone, I’ve gained a clearer insight behind the blogging industry. I was actually quite giving up and aiming for a different prospect but it still led me back to this. Now, I have new ideas... and Hope.

Why I was Gone...

It started because of migraine. I thought it was just a simple head ache. Too bad I am very stubborn when it comes to taking medicines especially when I can tolerate the pain. Days passed and I still have it. Sleeping early made me believe that all will be well for the next day. The pain still persisted. I even tried taking a short nap at work but it didn't work so I decided to take a paracetamol. When it didn't ease the pain, I realized that what I have is migraine. That's the only time where I felt the pulsing pain too. I didn't took Ponstan (the only medicine that works with my migraine) and just sleep early again. The next morning, I still have a mild head ache but it subsided before lunch came. This took 4-5 days.

Then dsymenorrhea followed. I though I won't have it because I'm taking tea and was exercising the weeks before the migraine occurred. All of this made me irritated and freaky. I'm not sure if it's all about hormones or there are other things that might happening inside of me. I was unstable, tired and helpless. I have a short temper too. Then I regret the hurt I caused to those people who became the outlet of this ill feeling. I became sad and uninspired but I'm okay now except that I'm having a hard time staying late (still struggling to have a free time for blogging).

I hate transacting with cunning private companies... that made me more stressed during those weeks.

Loaded Weekend, Blog Update

I've gotten quite busy due to the dull tasks I need to finish. I have no choice but to submit myself. Nevertheless I tried my best to catch up with blogging. I have many pending posts to make uh-oh. And I also cannot keep myself from knocking out in bed.

Here are some of the stories within that fortnight:

Promdi meets Probinsiyana

As promised. It's our anniversary and there's a sudden unplanned celebration. The simplicity is almost a perfect bliss if only an ill luck didn't happen. There are still highlights of this special day such as seeing priceless joy right through the eyes of my better half and then followed by tears I found flowing in his eyes. How often would you see a guy cry?

The Loss of Phone

This is how I spoiled everything and is the ill luck I am referring. This loss has paralyzed me and took me days before the nightmare subsided then finally found the acceptance. The sim has a sentimental value for it's a bridge of the big events and breaks in my life. It's a remembrance of the fruit of my labors and it has accompanied me for a long span of years. This loyal sim had been with me like a silent friend in the best and hardest days in my life. Goodbye sim...nothing is permanent with gadgets.

The Death

The cancer has finally taken his last breath. What's hurt most is the years that was stolen and the pain that he has to endure. The last word “Babalik ako Nay ha” is unforgettable. I took a nap and heard him say near me “Don't tell them, I'm here”. I woke up and said I heard him in my dreams, too late I spilled the beans before I realize. That's the day he died.

Seminars/Training

How I love to brainstorm and learn. How nice to make my brain working again. I love to work with people and especially with enthusiasts. I wanted to be trained and see how far I can reach. I wanted to work in a team who can confidently share their knowledge. The big problem is unstable internet connection and learning the basics alone.

Blog update... This week.

Sorry for unorganized frequency of my post recently. I thought I could make a blog post daily but I just can’t make it over night. If the reason is not being totally distracted I am just sleeping too early. I don’t know what to say too. It seems I cannot also find the right topic for worth remembering life events have been so scarce. I cannot even watch a movie and finish the book I’m currently reading. Woah, I thought this month would have the highest number of blog post, but it appeared I’m wrong. Epic :D

So what made me busy? Most of my time was spent sleeping and probably dreaming. I got set of nightmares recently; even people I don’t want to remember appears in my dream. The other I spent reading information about my skin type and thinking what product would suit me.

Yesterday I watched The Love from the Star in GMA. Perhaps it’s the last week of its airing because the comet has already arrived. It’s the TV series boyfie and I always do watch and talk about. Unfortunately, he can’t watch it anymore due to his new hectic schedule. This is one of the most intense portions of the series that made me cry. I was in the verge of crying but the several ‘I might cry’ turned into mild tears. That episode moved me. (Recalling it is silly, I only became aware of it due to the powdery taste of the tears from the loose powder I put on my face instead of being salty)

I'm Afraid of Myself

I’m sorry I’ve been gone again. I was just having a lot of blue days… I don’t even have strength to get rid or lessen this sadness that is rotting me inside nor have the mood to channel it in writing. It was hard and I was afraid to face it. And only just ignore it...

How can I find solution if I’m not even sure of the problem? Or maybe it comes back to the truth that I don’t want to face it. It is said that you shouldn’t have to cling your emotion to anyone. But if you love the person, no matter what she/he is, a friend, family, partner or etc, being ignored still hurts. How to tell someone to give time and attention if it’s not their will?

I can’t help it... It’s a part of me. And that makes me feel like stupid. Until the claim becomes real, I start doing stupid things. Stupid things from being taken for granted. I start to get afraid of myself and for my  future stupid acts. But I don’t want to be a burden…

I might be okay in a day, but there are minutes of it that sadness overwhelms me. I felt like a much withered plant due death.

My heart does ache … and I lost my confidence.

Last Week In-Hiatus

Sorry for being in hiatus last week. We even had brown-out yesterday. Saturday and brown-out? It’s like having just a one day weekend. Life only starts with electricity on.

So far, it’s mostly work that made me this busy. It is peak season and I even have an unfinished task to do, a slight negotiation and I’m afraid. Why do I have to do such thing when it’s out of my scope? There’s also a shift of function, something that demands a greater attention and worst is preciseness. That is what you call, work under pressure or revenge. lol.

Then, I’m sleepyhead as usual. I even regret sleeping early and leaving my work undone. I hate this times. Part of my brain is convincing me to buy a bell alarm clock, but half of it says it’s just a waste of money and I won't be utilizing it again to its fullest. It's like I’m scared I may lost the desire of using it once more and end up having a bad investment. But really, I want to have a separate alarm clock coz I don’t trust my cellphone. Nevertheless, I want to be optimistic that this sleepiness won’t last

Other Stories

I gave up from using my watch in the meantime. And, I’m trying a time management trick of tracking activities every 10 minutes but I’m not sure if it’s working. At least I become wary of my activities and I realize but can’t accept that I really can't tire myself for the whole day. I dream of sleeping for 3 hours only.

Weather is very cooold in morning, even at night. How much more in Baguio. My pechay vegetable greets me in the morning. I'm back in lousy planting. However, that's not my priority now.

Anyway, I have some old drafts so I would perhaps post backward depending on my mood.

Happy Birthday… Happy Broke… 2013

I’m not expecting much about my birthday, since it’s the way it used to be.  Never had a birthday party where friend were invited and the likes. I don’t even have a visitor during my graduation party, worst is that I spent my own money against my will. I never expected that the nightmare would revisit me once again… and on my birthday… against my will.

I DON’T LIKE PARTIES!!!... party for my birthday… and I don’t wanna change it.

A simple meal with family will do… or friends. I want a quality time, as much as possible avoid luxuries. It would be happier to be around sensible people and not because we have to be wary about how other people think of us or to just show off. It’s just that sometimes people meddle and eventually it spoils the fun.

These are just some of the things that kept me busy these past few days.

-attending training and facilitating programs

-dance practice

-sleepyhead (body demands)

-reading eBooks (harry potter series, currently in Goblet of Fire)

I got lot of draft articles yet I can’t find time to finalize it. I hope it would not rain so as not to interfere in my plans, as if I really have. I’ve been taking some pictures but still fail to upload it on my blog.

What’s new?

I got a puppy though I still haven’t touched it. It’s still aloof and afraid of me. My askal puppy is pure white with pink nose. When it was few weeks old, it reminded me of a hamster/rabbit.  I also wanted the other puppy with a peach fur that sometimes reminds me of limestone’s shade but it was sold already.

Memoir of my 2013 birthday – to follow

Search for Foundation

Still searching…. Foundation is something a should-invest-thing for a woman but I usually find those kikay kits tiresome. Once, I was so uninterested but it came to me as a necessity in the later part of my life. Part of proper hygiene is what I call it.

Since I am not really that exposed with no one nearby to influence me, I am still on my own venture into looking for the one that suits my needs. Technology got into the bloom but beauty products haven’t changed so much in where I lived. A lot of cheap products but seemingly useless still manage its way in the market. Business.

Too much factors to be consider too that I still have to uncover on my own.

With the absence of decent mall, I don’t even know where to find stuff aside from searching online. I know no one who I can seek for professional help, or just some generous tips and tricks from a friend. Still, somewhere in the road, I stumble into someone who got an admirably cool make up.

Yet I see a lot of people who doesn’t look good in their make up. Some wore a very white make up that it looks so unnatural; the color of their face and neck doesn’t even match. I myself is very conscious of the thing I use, I’m partly afraid it will just make me look worse. But being inexperienced, I am not even a good critic of myself.

Going back to foundation, so much skin service is offered that I don’t know what to choose. Should I add facial wash in my routine? Or I’ll just try over-the-counter products? If only I can just get rid of it. I’m getting fed up into retouching 3 times a day and feeling like cakey. I am thinking of a powder free life with a radiant look skin but I wonder if that would cost an arm and leg or if there’s already a product that promises same thing with a reasonable price.

Experience will teach me…

It’s good to be reunited with my blog again. I felt incapacitated during the long waits of the return of internet connection. Expect tons of blog I’ll be posting these following days. Anyway, the dates of my post in July are set into the date I created it. Due to failure in internet connection in the past, I was not able to post it right away.

Blog Update 01

I haven’t been updating my blog for weeks now. My old lappy, who’s been my loyal companion since 2nd year of my college year, is in miserable throe. I finally decided I won’t make much stress for him for now. Yes it's a 'he'. My vintage camera bothers me too. The flash is too painful in the eyes. You know the feeling when you try to light up the powdery stuff inside the 5star on New Year’s Eve? Feels like old school photography.

So for now, I’m a bit incapacitated. I'm considering buying a new netbook but I should be cautious I might spend impulsively for some impractical things. I should consider too of something I can use longer and conveniently. Then again, I might just be blinded of my strong desire to have new laptop.

Let's see what will happen...

Sigh, with tight money on hand, I can't just invest in things that will eventually turn into a bad investment.