Nagluluksa sa bente P20 pesos

Wala lang nalate kasi ako. Naisip ko ang mahal ng pamasahe. Wala ding initiative si manong drayber na magsukli ng tama. Bakit hindi eh sahod nya yun diba. Dun nakasalalay sahod niya. From P15 sana eh naging P20. Dapat  nga P10 pesos lang yun eh. (Kuripot?) Nakakahiya kasi minsan dahil meron din  yung ibang drayber na mang aaway, mambabagsak ng coins o kaya naman titingnan yung binigay mo ng matagal na para bang nakakita siya ng something sa palad niya na first time lang niya nakita sa tanang buhay niya. Pangit din naman sa side ng pangkaraniwang tao ang mapagsamantalahan dulot ng walang kaalaman. Maiisahan. Panggugulang. Minsan nakakahiya din naman yung makikipag argue ka sa rights mo pero mali ka na pala. Yun bang magagalit ka kay drayber kasi mali sukli nya tapos pag uwi mo malalaman mo na lang na that day pala eh kapapatupad lang ng price hike. Anu ka ngayon?

Kahit na wala akong kaide-idea kung paano ang kalakaran, sa balitang tataas ang pamasahe at kuryente, parang bumigat yung pakiramdam ko. Madadagdagan ang porsyentong mababawas sa sahod ko. Meron diyan tricycle drayber, sa pribadong paaralan nag aaral ang anak. Kaya naiisip ko minsan, ganun na kaya kalaki kinikita nila?

Para saan pa yung list ng pamasahe ng nakapaskil sa tricycle kung parang arkila din naman ang nasusunod? Panu ba mawawala ang mga drayber na namimili ng pasahero?

Kung sana sinabi kong kulang yung sukli..

Kung sana may barya ako...

o.. KUNG SANA MAAGA AKO!...

Past Days and Kept Back Opinions.

It was a very demanding weekend. I almost had a deadlock of thoughts and I admit I became moody. My room reflects the state I was in, as if Yolanda took a short visit. I got different nightmares and I even saw there how death embraced me. I don’t know if my hormone should be blamed too but whew, I am scared that day to come…

I missed a lot of activities I believe I should have blogged. I’ll try to blog and reminisce once again the different feelings that invaded my being. For a quick list, the major thing I did includes visiting a friend in a hospital, celebrating my cousins’ birthday, and preparation for my special someone’s birthday which somehow failed. Maybe the part where I finish the book “Marriage Bargain” counts too.

I’m guilty of only blogging gloomy things when I had somehow experienced good things. It’s just that once the ecstasies were gone, the mood of writing fades away with it. It’s easier to write when the fire is burning. With the hectic schedule and usually weary body, I failed to write.

Online Course

I stop taking Coursera courses. I’m enrolled in 3 courses where I should have taken 1 only. But I am interested in Java next year. However, I wonder if I can catch up with the lessons when I knew myself that I have no real experience with Java language. If I will choose 1 out of the 3 I took, I’ll choose Internet History. I’ll try to be brief here; I might as well make a separate blog about my impression with my unfinished Coursera Course. So far, my main problem is managing my schedules with the three subjects. I will be surprised later on to find that I failed to do one of the assignments that will eventually made me feel soo grieving over it. Time management combined with no real internet connection lead into my own downfall. I’m only really being resourceful with the gadgets and money that I have. It’s so pathetic I have to download the videos and sometimes go into an internet café for this. Good thing that I got a new laptop plus my earlier tablet. Though both of it is in hiatus lately. I have to do something. Despite of all those things that happened, I still wanted to learn…

Yolanda

I remember the morning of the landfall of this typhoon. The morning is just normal here that the silence felt soo eerie knowing how big the typhoon is. Since I am living in northern Luzon, the effect is just minimal or none at all. By that time, I was thinking that maybe everything is just fine. But after a week, and the week that followed, I was bit shocked to see the wreckage, as if a tornado hit the town. Unfortunately, I didn’t paid attention from television broadcast. I have this feeling that I’m not really getting what I wanted to see and hear. I can’t even read newspaper during office hours. I wish I bought a newspaper though.

I wanted to personally help but I don’t know how. I want to volunteer. So far, my way of helping, though not directly, is trough this mandatory-like-voluntary purchasing a t-shirt. A salary deduction. I wonder how many employees’ salary was deducted in order for the organization/company to have a donation for the victims of Yolanda. Don’t the companies have their own savings?

I pity those children who were victims.

The first time I watched a Typhoon coverage was few days before the incident. I was in my Aunt’s house. I was awakened by the television news since I was sleeping in front of the TV in the living room. Those human cries gave me tears in my eyes for I sense their emotions. My mom said, “what are they gonna do?”.  Will the government and private organization keep on sending reliefs good forever?  It made me think. On the other hand, my own observation was these relief goods. They’re packed in a plastic bag. I hope people will learn this time but I was really disappointed with plastics. Plastics were one that aggravates our pollution and climate problems. We still can’t change our lack of disciplines so no wonder when another calamity will strike us.

We’ve been hit with super typhoons and forever we will be. Yet we are as if not prepared for it no matter how many times it strikes us. We should be advancing but we remain stagnant. How many typhoons will come before we take it seriously?

The typhoon was huge. I remember the time I saw it in television. Hindi ba nakakatakot yun? Or inaakala lang din nilang parang gaya di ng ibang typhoon? Hindi ba tayo nagkaroon ng ganun kalaking bagyo noon para hindi matakot ng sobra? I remember when I watched a film my mom bought after a tsunami from this certain country and how the Governor saved the people by releasing the dam even if it means a destruction of a very expensive project just for the lives of his people.

Lovestory in Yolanda

Kileg. Nakakatouch. Kapuso mo Jessica Soho makes a short story so beautiful or maybe more beautiful than the real story. Thumbs up for those person behind the scenes that worked hard in making every segment beautiful. The story gave me tears too. If you love the person, distance is not a hindrance and that’s what the guy did. I was touched with that gesture. However, some questions lingered in my mind like, “Is the guy that poor to ask donations?”. I have this weird feeling that something tiny is unsightly. Something is embarrassing. I cannot identify it though. Before I went into disgraceful thinking, I decided I’d better read the blog.

http://operationsavinggrace.tumblr.com

After reading the blog, I felt pity for other innocent victims of Yolanda. How many were in that kind of situation or in a much worst state?

Going back to the love story, isn’t it too early for the marriage? I realize it’s not actually the kind of love story that I like.  8 months of knowing each other virtually and marrying each other. I hope she doesn’t feel in debt too much and I hope the foundation is strong enough. It was indeed a whirlwind romance. I hope she fully recovers.

I’m one year younger than her.

Media is commercial.

In the Eyes of the Beholder

“The more it is insisted, the more I withdrew to change things.”

Living with someone’s expectations is no joke. I’m used into not minding them until I cannot take it any longer. It’s too much. I despise hypocrite people minding other person’s business when in reality they’re not in the right place to say such things. I wish they look into their own flaws first.

I’m getting oversensitive lately, especially when I am surrounded with people whose character I despise so much. It’s like they have their own gravitational pull, like a black hole. You’ll be crushed when you are not strong enough. Pretentions, paranoia and insecurities. Worst, the threaten ego can do damage. Let’s just wish it’s doesn’t makes its way into physical harm.

“People are curious. They bark.”

Is it that hard to give kindness and genuine concern? Turning our hero into an antagonist is scarier as always portrayed into stories. Being rotten is contagious; why not pass goodness instead of it? Criticisms are destructive. It is depressing when it’s too much. The weight of being unaccepted is heavy.

Yet, if we don’t shape up, soon we will be forced out. Isn’t it?

I know I’m over reacting that time. But it was close to unlocking some nightmare that has long been ignored. And if you know how it feels when it’s frightening, you wanted to scream. It really sucks when someone is complementing incorrectly especially if you know yourself it’s the opposite. It doesn’t cheer the person, it sounds sarcastic.

“An aristocrat should dress as befits his position. If he does not, he is showing contempt for others.” -Vampire Diaries. The Awakening

When someone expects you to be perfect and always beautiful…

So:

I need to calm down and yes, try to be beautiful…

WALA AKONG PERA...

Restless nanaman ako. Feeling unproductive and bored sa paulit ulit na ginagawa. I learned something. Kahit na pala pangit or mahirap ginagawa mu basta happy ka, priceless yung feeling. Pero kung madami ka ngang pera pero hindi ka masaya, what’s the point? Yun yung dahilan kung bakit may volunteers na masaya dahil gusto nila yung ginagawa nila.

I realized na sa routine tasks, ang tanging makakapagsaya na lang sayo is yung acceptance ng tao sa paligid mo. So kung hindi ka masaya at hindi mo kasundo ang mga tao sa paligid mo, napakamalas mo naman. No man is an island. At mahirap maghanap ng taong may substance.

Pero narealized ko din na may napapala sa pagtitiis.Na kung anung sitwasyon mo ngayon eh maghintay ka lang dahil hindi yan panghabang buhay.

Saka malas mo kung hindi ka na nga masaya, wala ka pang pera. Dahil nabibili ang respeto, panandaliang respeto. Iba pa rin ang may pera dahil totoo, kadalasan “ang buhay ng tao ay umiikot sa pera”. Pinaiikot ng pera.

Napagtanto ko din sa sarili ko na piliin ko kung saan ako masaya kasi hindi kaya ng konsensya ko.

Magpakasaya ka lang. Tumawa at ngumiti. Gumawa ng kalokohan. Pero huwag sobra dahil may bukas pa.

A Glimpse of Me

I am a quiet person, as how my parents raised me, and I can’t find anything wrong with it. It is not my lone fault after all. Getting intrigued, that is where rumor is brought into being into a  fast spreading like that of a light speed. This is something not to feel heavy of, as person whose I’m close with are usually not making an issue about this, however, people who happened to be a lot of curious about me do otherwise, making me feel like I came from far away planet and worse, discriminating me.

Lack of experience  made me the opposite of a witty person, maybe an idiot of some sort. I almost panic when being asked. Nonetheless, I am not numb. Things cannot be easily forgotten. Sincerity is easily distinguished from mockery. Just how bad the world is especially the people who make it an unwanted place.