Letter of a Friend: The Sadness From Not Making It Easy

You are my friend, not just those kinds of so called friends. I mean it when I say I am. I hope you know how I take relationship seriously and how I usually end up hurt. When you met me late in life, I am already a million shattered pieces trying to be whole again.

I was mad at you for that kind of approach. Please don't say I only remember you when I needed you. That's not true. I was very angry and insulted for I've never done that. You know how I'm almost independent and that I don't take advantage of people who are close to me. I can choose to not to talk to you but still I welcomed you in my life. Never mind giving then, if you will only want something in return. I don’t ask a lot from you, and actually I’m avoiding it. So please don’t be too demanding… I cannot just easily give what I don’t have.

Please don't throw tantrums, for I have experienced worst thing than you. Please make it easy for us, say it in a concise way. Don't let me guess if there's something wrong for I always know there is, and not knowing the real reason only makes me more infuriated. Please understand that during those times that I'm gone, I also deal with my own problems and sorting my life.

We are adults now, I'm sorry that I cannot use texting as a medium of communication like how it is during our academic days. I am burned out. This time, I don't need plain words but the real presence of my friends. But hey, I also feel their silence, those stories they're now hiding and their effort to mask the loneliness just because they’re adults now. That's what you are feeling right? I know that feeling too. We all know.

We can actually go out. Not just mere texting especially that there are things I need to prioritize too. Please let me know if texting is really urgent so I can prepare myself for it. I can be pretty insensitive too. I cannot just magically know what you are going through without even telling me any details about it. How could I help without knowing, right? One of the worst feelings is when I don't even know how I could help you even when I'm already giving you my attention and time. I feel useless, helpless that it also drags me down. If you asked my presence, please share it also with me and deal with it like how a mature person should be. Don't dwell on it again and again. Acknowledge the source of problem and face it. Make a move...