Part of me don't know what to say or what to do. I find myself
struggling to fight tears yet sometimes too numb to feel anything.
Worst, I become too frank or tactless about realities that I might
sound pessimistic or harsh. Not that I'm letting anyone down. (It's
just that, “Let's not kid ourselves”) I want to apologize for
that though.
I just can't take the weakness. If only I can find the solutions
myself, I will volunteer just to ease or finish the agony. I don't
want to see you slowly withering, I don't want to see you in pain
and I don't want to see you dying. I want you to still live, to enjoy
life.
There's a part of me who wanted to be angry to those responsible
of this unfair joke, but to whom? And to what? This is so unfair and
much more heartbreaking whenever I remember your desire to live. I
know you dream for adventures. I feel so hopeless. I feel so sad.
You strip me the opportunity of returning the kindness you've
shared in my childhood. I still owe you different treats,
birthday/cash gifts or any kind of pampering a growing child can
bestow to his/her elders. You may have your part of wrong doings (any
of us will anyway) but you deserve to live. I pray for God's mercy.
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