I lost my FD

After a long week with work, I always look forward for the rest day. However, when weekend is over, I feel like it's better not to have a weekend at all if it wouldn't be productive.

“There’s no potion for grief.” This weekend I am somewhere far, and I even felt I really was and thought I wouldn’t be able to wake up the next morning, until I called him.

The lost of my flash drive was a huge discouragement. A really huge discouragement that gave me an empty feeling. I’m lost with words. I owe my self a rest yet my slumber was still filled with different arrays of nightmares.

I cleaned the room. I need to keep moving…





“Peace be with you”. The mass I dedicated for him and for my dying kin. It was as if there’s a message for me too, about how to have peace. Five things to have peace; forgive, interact, openness, having a mission and living with the Holy Spirit.

I Felt the Earthquake

I was in deep slumber when I felt a light shaking, as if someone was just wanted me to wake up. Perhaps it happened early in the morning, it last not more than 20 seconds. While I was asleep, my mind was processing whether it was an earthquake or if I should panic or not. I did not, since it was not that strong. It was odd. There was part of me that just resigned and just opted to wait. I was thinking were to go but I’m too lazy to stand up. What if it was a strong earthquake? Will I have the same reaction? Not move and wait for fate to decide?

I wish not to witness a great catastrophe. It’s a hearsay that before a great earthquake there’s hot weathers and the likes.

I found news in this site (link here), however I didn’t find our own province included. It’s a 5.9 magnitude in Ilocos Sur around 4:45am.

A Letter to a Cancer Victim

Part of me don't know what to say or what to do. I find myself struggling to fight tears yet sometimes too numb to feel anything. Worst, I become too frank or tactless about realities that I might sound pessimistic or harsh. Not that I'm letting anyone down. (It's just that, “Let's not kid ourselves”) I want to apologize for that though.

I just can't take the weakness. If only I can find the solutions myself, I will volunteer just to ease or finish the agony. I don't want to see you slowly withering, I don't want to see you in pain and I don't want to see you dying. I want you to still live, to enjoy life.

There's a part of me who wanted to be angry to those responsible of this unfair joke, but to whom? And to what? This is so unfair and much more heartbreaking whenever I remember your desire to live. I know you dream for adventures. I feel so hopeless. I feel so sad.

You strip me the opportunity of returning the kindness you've shared in my childhood. I still owe you different treats, birthday/cash gifts or any kind of pampering a growing child can bestow to his/her elders. You may have your part of wrong doings (any of us will anyway) but you deserve to live. I pray for God's mercy.

Watsons Hand Cream Haul

I'm not planning to drop by in Watsons since I still have 3 lipstick with me, that's too much or enough. I don't know. I still have the press powder I seldom use (I wish its two way cake I have instead) and the blotting sheet that I'm too lazy to use. I also still have the collagen mask for my eye bug which I lost the desire to use since it irritated my eyes the twice times I used it

I have some wish list though:
1. A lips scrub to remove dead skin or lighten my lips. There's no product I know yet. I wanted to try honey. Or maybe a brown sugar and lime instead of lemon. I can't get the best of light pink lipstick due to my dark lips.
2. Blush or Darker powder. I want to learn and make an illusion of a longer and slimmer face.

So I have a few haul here. Nagtitipid pa din. Yup, I still went to Watsons to accompany a friend. I find myself lucky for finding a hand cream since I didn’t on my last visit.

1. BAIES SUCREES Sweet Berries Hand Cream
P32.00 for 30 ml
Buy one take one. This is my favorite hand cream so far. It's not greasy and it’s enough to make and keep my hand hydrated.

2. Naturals by watsons Olive Hand Cream (Review Here)
P99.00 for 60 ml
Claims to be organic. I'll make a review later. It also has a grape seed oil, Shea butter and Vitamin E.

Probinsiyana in Duster?

I stopped taking pictures and of posting it in Facebook. FB is no longer my private cocoon when it’s crowded with strangers, old mentors, colleagues and even some family/relatives you don’t want messing with. I lost my taste for it honestly, good thing that somehow there’s boyfie still coaxing me of taking pictures. He’s wondering what I look like when I’m wearing a duster.

I have other blog about this shirt here.

Wagwagan in Baguio

So far, it was one of the best escapes I had since those past hard days. It was the first time that I woke up without saying “Oh God please help me...” She's one of those friends who I can still enjoy the company. I know how awkward to go out with friends who can be too killjoy at times and I assure you she's not like them. She can be flexible and considerate, and above all is she's humble.

Yet, she fails to find things for me, like what clothes would suit me or shoes alike. Uh-oh... She can't be my fashion stylist; she can't fix me or give answers to my weird or senseless question. The best thing about her though is she's the kind of friend who sticks. She may be somewhere, but you know she stays. An unconditional friend, almost like a sister to me.

Wagwagan. I admit I don’t favor ukay ukay not until I bought my first bag a year ago. The thought before embarrass me, and the way how people consider it is contagious. I never found something I like before and wonder why some rag looking clothes are still included. Then gradually I learned to look for details and gained some experience. And I got a friend to influence me. And maybe let’s include the part that I've grown.

A Bit of my Style…

It’s good to have Bok Shoes around with its pretty and cheap shoes. It requires a sharp eye to find something simple and elegant. Choose something that makes you graceful and sophisticated, making your appearance in its glory peak.

Tips:
-Stalk and wait.
-Buy something you truly love.

Simple and neutral with price range from Php200-500. If only this is white, for white is my usual preference. Size 7 but tight? I used to buy size 7 before. My real size is 7.5, though I only find those sizes in malls. Buy something that fits you well. If there is hesitation, truly there is. You’ll end up not liking to wear it and wasting money.

If I Don’t Have a Love Life…

If I’m not lucky enough with love, I still want to be happy and still find meaning with life given to me. Here are some things that I have in mind:

Studying different arts.
I want to indulge myself in crafts and learn everything that can be learned. It’s the most pleasant way to chill and unwind.

Teaching kids.
I was so starved with knowledge when I was a kid and so I want to change the likelihood for some curious growing kids. Knowledge is useless if not shared. I wanted to teach children skills they can enjoy at the same time. Some children’s time is better spent in worthwhile activities.

Busy in online business.
I’m making my own products or just reselling things. I frequently glance at my tablet for customer’s inquiry and packing parcels to be delivered. Sometimes I'm just searching for strategies and the likes for the improvement of my online store.

A tutor of skills learned in college.
What’s better than make use of knowledge learned during those 4 years? Teach it to others while the process helps retain it in your memories. What you have learned is not wasted.

How to Unlove

At the end of the day, you have to learn to unlove a person, if such word exists. Be cold as a stone. Pick up all the shattered pieces and become whole again. Your strong, woman! You’re not a burden nor made for pity.

Pay the consequences of the trust you've given. Even some sweets taken turned sour in our stomachs. It’s a part of life.

1. Ignore them.

2. Don’t eat the bait and be interested with the topic. Remember, it’s their topic and your opinion is nothing.

3. Still respond though. Be kind and polite.

4. Don't be sweet anymore.

5. Expect the possibility of the end.

6. Play safe

7. Be positive. This is only a test, you'll find another source of happiness.

When you’re Sad, Buy Yourself a Flower

I was going to buy a new watch, yet again hesitated. I was telling myself slow down from spending in the mean time. Unfortunately on my way home, I found a display of flowering plants. It was the white roses that captured me; those blossoms suggest hope pushed above those thorns beneath. There is tranquility, innocence and pleasant feeling. Even so, I chose the yellow one for friendship and for its sentimental value.

I only received a rose once, and I can’t even remember what color it is. This age I had now, I doubt if I would still appreciate receiving such thing. It’s the sincerity, uniqueness and effort that make a difference. My other memory of roses was during my high school days in our tambayan. I was sometimes naughty to pluck some of it. It was my curiosity why the plant grew well nourished despite being placed in a concrete container.

Until now, I still ask myself why I bought this. I'm not really fond of ornamental plants but would prefer having rose than cactus. I want it in my room. I realize. I wonder if it can survive without a direct sunlight though. I even imagine myself in a reading chair in a mini balcony around the second floor. But I can’t picture the place. I’m yet to find.

Find a pet and here it is. Silent and will always be understanding. Because it has no choice :slap: And again, I wish there is a grill in the window that can hold such plant so I wouldn't have a problem finding a place for it.

It costs around Php100. Do you think it’s expensive?

How to Avoid Loneliness

1. First acknowledge it. Then face it by finding ways to fight it like searching over internet for tips or asking someone of their personal experiences.

2. Help yourself. Take an action

3. Write a journal or make a blog

4. Extend help to someone. Volunteer for simple tasks.

5. Call your relatives. Look for someone who’s approachable enough.

6. Watch a movie. Inspirational or comedy.

7. Go online and meet friends. Be careful though. Finding who you can trust is not easy, but trying and being positive is harmless.

8. Determine what cause your loneliness. Is it due to lack of relationship or being not productive?

9. Remember that it will not last.

10. Benefit of the doubt. Lonely people interpret situation more negatively. You’re just making it on your head. It might be you misunderstood someone.

11. Listen to music

12. Think of those things or events in the past that made you say “I’m lucky and thankful I am alive”.

13. Share your feelings with someone you are similar with. If you are an introvert person, share it with an introvert friend too. An extrovert person doesn’t have the capacity to know and understand how you really feel.

14. Make yourself busy be it a hobby or volunteer acts.

15. Change the ambiance. Clean your room. Go out. Go to park.

16. Pamper yourself. Do things that make you feel good. Be selfish. Be happy. You deserve it. Remember that you cannot make someone happy if you’re not happy on yourself.

17. Reach someone you trust. You don’t have to tell them- just seek them for a distraction or diversion

18. Get a pet.

19. Consult professional help

Hanggang Dun na lang Ako…

Action can hurt. Words can hurt. And gestures too. And I don’t know which cuts deeper among them. What if someone left you behind? How will you deal with it? What if someone came, as if he/she cared and just withdraws when he/she became bored? He/she no longer care. How would you detach from hurt?

Why someone would attach themselves to someone and quit? Did their best and just stop?

How to unlearn loving and caring? How to be brave? How to be strong enough?

I have heard enough of the words like “Promise” but then “Noon lang yun, iba na ngayon” and “I’m sorry pero nagbago na ako”

We women are brave. Let us not make others diminish our worth…

Lost Track of the Days

I was in the jeepney when I met this college schoolmate of mine, a lower year. Maybe I was just startled to see her and said “Graduate ka na?” Of course she is, what was I thinking?

This is a confirmation of some truth I ignore. It's been 2 years and there hasn’t been much life since then. It's like I've never completed the lesson I need to learn and that didn't help me grow. I feel so incomplete.

PAINTING Polymer Clay

1. Clean the clay from oil and dirt

2. Use sand paper to roughen the clay and to allow the paint to stick

3. Make two coats of acrylic paint.

Polymer Clay is

-Oil based

-Plastic

FYI

-To color uncured clay, you can use oil paints and oil pastels

-Watercolor can provide a pretty tint/glaze on the cured clay

-Don’t use petroleum-based solvent since it will dissolve clay

Nawawalang Respeto?

I just had a glimpse of a FB post regarding students’ lost courtesy. If it really happened somewhere, no doubt it can be true. I just can’t help having an aftermath thought. The story was just this gone “good morning” greetings. I don't know the whole story but I comprehend it this way; out of all those who came, only one student cared to greet. It was a bit surprising since saying “Good morning” is just an easy task. Instead of complaining these courtesies, for me it is a very troubling issue. How about making a move to educate our kabataan in values education than just pointing them out? I hope there's no discrimination here.

It’s not their fault. Or it’s not them to blame wholly. It’s our present environment’s cancer. Home is where we first learn followed by what school taught us. Home and School. I’m thankful that I was somehow taught courtesy in our home. However, let’s not deny how hard to stick with these values when those people you interact daily don’t do the same. Worst, those who teach or criticize don’t really practice it themselves. Here come the churches too, I believe they’re supposed to teach values to young children.

Way back high school, a lot of teachers are complaining with students’ lack of courtesy. Did elementary fail to teach students some values or these high school teachers have lacking efforts to be a role model and adviser? Only few of those teachers who take time to reach out, I knew some :) and they inspired me.

Ethics.

Just Got My Polymer Clay Online.

Finally, I got my parcel I bought in Facebook. I thought I’ll be scammed for I haven’t received updates. I was in between of getting nervous and being calm. Besides the seller made clear she’s busy, and that’s something to consider.

These tiny clay bars are super expensive, for me though. Just this four blocks cost me 500php. I think it’s not practical to use this if I will make huge arts. I was just curious. Once I went to national bookstore in Baguio but found none. So the choice left for me is to buy through online else I’ll to travel. Yay.

I guess, the size would be around the size of pingpong ball once you make it round. Sculpey III is soft when I pinched it unlike the first China clay I bought. I even felt crestfallen for it was my first ever polymer clay.

It took 5 days to deliver since the payment was done.

Unboxing the parcel.

Polymer Clay in bubble wrap.

 

Sculpey with China polymer clay (glowing in the dark)

See how small scupley is

I really have to put my picture, huh?